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Report me again and I’ll eat your face

June 18, 2009
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OK. Anyone who follows this blog knows I hate intensely dislike the apartment complex I signed a lease with.

The management is stuffy and most of my neighbors are, too (I’m a very clean, stuffy, OCD person, so, that’s saying a lot).

Anyhow. I placed my trash outside of my apartment for  – ba-dum-ba-dum-dum (that was a drum role) – a few hours!

I did this because I cannot take my trash out without my Beagle. The brat face howls whenever I leave. Then, when brat face howls, I get a call from managememt saying (big booming man voice) “You must stop your dog from barking! We will make you leave! Thou shall not pass!”

So, I wait to take out my trash when I got to work, or my internship (Beagle has her spray collar on, so no barks are emitted).

Anyhow. When I got home from my internship yesterday, there were little paper notices on every apartment door (way to save paper, guys!). The notice said, “It has been reported that people (me) have left their trash outside of their apartment. This action is a breach of lease (gasp)! You will be fined $25 if it happens again.

Thanks, neighboors. Do I report your yappy dog? Your loudness-ish? NO!

I was angry at the notice, so I decided to let it drift down the hall. When I opened my door to walk my beagle an hour later, I saw that the notice was placed on my doormat. One of my new neighbors was walking sheepishly away from my door.

I was angered by the flyer’s reappearance, so I kicked it, and proceeded to exit the building to walk my dog.

After a brisk, 10 minute walk, I walk back up my apartment stairs to find…

The g-d damn flyer stuck in my door.

What the hell, people? I get it! Lord almighty! Why the hell did you open my door!

Finding the flyer again made me so enraged that I balled it up, and threw it. Yes. I am an adult. I am mature (after 30 or so minutes, I went and retrived the flyer and threw it away).

I swear to gooddness. I will make my neighbors pay in some way, shape, or form.

Bahahahaha!

OK. I really won’t do anything, but damn, I am mad.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. June 19, 2009 1:31 pm

    wow are you living in the same apartment block as me…? Very simialr things going on here – I can’t move (breathe!) without being reported. I dropped a bus ticket (by accident!) outside my own door and the lady next door reported me for littering….! I put up a picture (two hammer bangs in the wall) and got reported for making too much noise. I fell down the steps and bled at the bottom (I was ok) and got reported for leaving a mess – I was kinda in hospital!! I need revenge! Thanks for letting me vent 🙂

  2. Glenn permalink
    June 19, 2009 4:56 pm

    WTF?! Dude, your apartment complex is filled with various folks who can be described by words that rhyme with “runts” and, ummmmm, “koooshbags”…??? Anyway, that is some childish BS right there. I could think of some ways to get back. Meh heh heh. *cue evil grin*

  3. jackie permalink
    June 20, 2009 2:28 pm

    you want to come live in my barn?

  4. Shawn permalink
    June 20, 2009 3:50 pm

    Just put a sign on your door that reads,

    “Don’t fuck with your neighbors, they know where you sleep. And this one doesn’t mind hurting snitches.”

  5. absblabs permalink
    June 20, 2009 3:59 pm

    Bah! You know, I would if it didn’t cost $2,500 to break lease. And Shawn, I think that may be the best idea yet.

  6. absblabs permalink
    June 21, 2009 9:44 pm

    And, MJK06 – Hey, I’m happy you can vent. Apt. complexes are horrid, bad things.

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