For the love of blood, horror, and gore
I’m a gore whore, guys.
I love filthy, raunchy, dirty, bloody awful horror films.
I first discovered my thirst for gore when I watched that one bad dude’s face melt in Raiders of the Lost Ark (I was 10, I think?).
When I was 15, I’d walk to the video store by my parents house and search through the horror titles. I’d typically rent three at a time, and watch them while I ran on the family treadmill in our house’s creepy basement.
Now, I watch four horror flicks a week. Over the last year I’ve discovered some new favorites (Teeth, Poultrygeist, Midnight Meat Train, The Gore Gore Girls), found some old favorites (The Stuff, Cheerleader Camp), and found a few losers (Cannibal Holocaust, The Strangers).
I felt the need to present my top ten favorite b-horror flicks today, to you all.
And awaaay we go!
1. Microwave Massacre
Jackie Vernon, the guy who voices Frosty the Snowman in the creepy animated classic, stars in this cheesy film. Although the makers of Massacre state it’s “the worst horror film ever made,” I’ve got to disagree. How can a movie about a man who kills his wife, microwaves her flesh, discovers he has a taste for human meat, and proceeds to kill hookers to harvest their bodies be bad?
In this tale, a young child murders his mother after she scolds him for looking at porn. The kid continues to kill as an adult, and seeks out young women who have body parts similar to his mother (yeah. He’s sick). Through the film, he “pieces” together the various parts of the young women to create a dead, rag-doll version of his dear ol’ mum.
A camp is terrorized by a crazed killer. In this awesome film, the killer injures/murders victims with boiling liquid, bees (yes. Death by bees), and a knife through a wall. While the movie drags in some parts, there’s a lot of terrible “classically trained” actors to watch, and the “twist” ending is totally worth the watch (Yeah, M. Night. You’re totally jealous of this twist).
4. Brain Damage
A snake-like monster with a goofy grin secretes a blue juice after penetrating its victims. Need I say more? If you want more information, click here for my review.
5. Basket Case
Twin brothers are physically separated at birth, but still act like they are attached. They travel together, live together, and cover up each others crimes. Big brother Duane carries around his little deformed bro in a basket, and stores him in his hotel room whenever he goes out. When strange deaths begin to happen, big brother panics and tries to put an end to the killings.
6. The Toxic Avenger
A poor little nerd boy falls into a truck of toxic waste, and emerges as a deadly, but kind hearted beast. He rids the town of a violent pack of ruffians that like to run down children with cars, falls in love with a blind girl, and takes down the corrupt police department. He’s totally cooler than Batman.
7. I Spit On Your Grave
One of the best revenge films of all time. A young girl is hunted down and repeatedly raped by three young men. After the men are done with her, they leave her for dead. But, the woman makes a recovery and goes after each rapist, killing them in very creative ways.
8. The Last House On The Left (1972)
Another awesome revenge film. Two girls go out, and try to buy pot from a gang of young kids before attending a show. The gang of guys and gals kidnap the innocents, and take them into some woods where they torture, rape and kill the girls. The band of punks ends up at one of the dead girls houses. Revenge ensues when the dead girls parents find out the gang killed their beloved daughter.
An American writer visits Rome, and upon his arrival, young women begin to get murdered. The murderer uses the author’s book as inspiration for the killings. Tenebre has lovely death scenes, awkward naked women, and creepy old dudes. Also, it’s filmed beautifully, and has a killer 80s soundtrack ripe with horrible electronic beats.
10. The Devil’s Rejects
Rob Zombie’s best film in my opinion. Rejects follows a family of killers as they travel around, torturing and killing various tourists. The family eventually has to have a stand off with the police after their whorehouse/safehouse is raided. The film ends with an awesome shoot out as “Free Bird” plays in the background.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love a crap ton of other horror films. Hell, I could talk about Frankenhooker, American Psycho (Best. Movie. Of. All. Time.) Death Proof, and Terror Train, too. And, perhaps I will.
But that’s another day, and another post.