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For the love of blood, horror, and gore

August 19, 2009

I’m a gore whore, guys.

I love filthy, raunchy, dirty, bloody awful horror films.

Holy crap, I'm totally scared girl

This girl is about to get killed, or, she just walked into the Bottleneck's bathroom.

I first discovered my thirst for gore when I watched that one bad dude’s face melt in Raiders of the Lost Ark (I was 10, I think?).

When I was 15, I’d walk to the video store by my parents house and search through the horror titles. I’d typically rent three at a time, and watch them while I ran on the family treadmill in our house’s creepy basement.

Now, I watch four horror flicks a week. Over the last year I’ve discovered some new favorites (Teeth, Poultrygeist, Midnight Meat Train, The Gore Gore Girls), found some old favorites (The Stuff, Cheerleader Camp), and found a few losers (Cannibal Holocaust, The Strangers).

I felt the need to present my top ten favorite b-horror flicks today, to you all.

And awaaay we go!

1. Microwave Massacre

Jackie Vernon, the guy who voices Frosty the Snowman in the creepy animated classic, stars in this cheesy film. Although the makers of Massacre state it’s “the worst horror film ever made,” I’ve got to disagree. How can a movie about a man who kills his wife, microwaves her flesh, discovers he has a taste for human meat, and proceeds to kill hookers to harvest their bodies be bad?

2. Pieces

In this tale, a young child murders his mother after she scolds him for looking at porn. The kid continues to kill as an adult, and seeks out young women who have body parts similar to his mother (yeah. He’s sick). Through the film, he “pieces” together the various parts of the young women to create a dead, rag-doll version of his dear ol’ mum.

3. Sleepaway Camp

A camp is terrorized by a crazed killer. In this awesome film, the killer injures/murders victims with boiling liquid, bees (yes. Death by bees), and a knife through a wall. While the movie drags in some parts, there’s a lot of terrible “classically trained” actors to watch, and the “twist” ending is totally worth the watch (Yeah, M. Night. You’re totally jealous of this twist).

4. Brain Damage

A snake-like monster with a goofy grin secretes a blue juice after penetrating its victims. Need I say more? If you want more information, click here for my review.

5. Basket Case

Twin brothers are physically separated at birth, but still act like they are attached. They travel together, live together, and cover up each others crimes. Big brother Duane carries around his little deformed bro in a basket, and stores him in his hotel room whenever he goes out. When strange deaths begin to happen, big brother panics and tries to put an end to the killings.

6. The Toxic Avenger

A poor little nerd boy falls into a truck of toxic waste, and emerges as a deadly, but kind hearted beast. He rids the town of a violent pack of ruffians that like to run down children with cars, falls in love with a blind girl, and takes down the corrupt police department. He’s totally cooler than Batman.

7. I Spit On Your Grave

One of the best revenge films of all time. A young girl is hunted down and repeatedly raped by three young men. After the men are done with her, they leave her for dead. But, the woman makes a recovery and goes after each rapist, killing them in very creative ways.

8. The Last House On The Left (1972)

Another awesome revenge film. Two girls go out, and try to buy pot from a gang of young kids before attending a show. The gang of guys and gals kidnap the innocents, and take them into some woods where they torture, rape and kill the girls. The band of punks ends up at one of the dead girls houses. Revenge ensues when the dead girls parents find out the gang killed their beloved daughter.

9. Tenebre

An American writer visits Rome, and upon his arrival, young women begin to get murdered. The murderer uses the author’s book as inspiration for the killings. Tenebre has lovely death scenes, awkward naked women, and creepy old dudes. Also, it’s filmed beautifully, and has a killer 80s soundtrack ripe with horrible electronic beats.

10. The Devil’s Rejects

Rob Zombie’s best film in my opinion. Rejects follows a family of killers as they travel around, torturing and killing various tourists. The family eventually has to have a stand off with the police after their whorehouse/safehouse is raided. The film ends with an awesome shoot out as “Free Bird” plays in the background.

Classic.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love a crap ton of other horror films. Hell, I could talk about Frankenhooker, American Psycho (Best. Movie. Of. All. Time.) Death Proof, and Terror Train, too. And, perhaps I will.

But that’s another day, and another post.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. August 19, 2009 4:29 pm

    Nice list. I’m partial to Blood Feast myself. I could watch it over and over again (and did at one point in life)

  2. Abbie Stutzer permalink
    August 19, 2009 5:25 pm

    Why have I not seen this? It’s being added to my Netflix list as I type.

  3. Glenn permalink
    August 19, 2009 11:57 pm

    I do believe I have enjoyed most of that list with you at one point or another. Good stuff there. A lot of those are my favorites as well. 🙂 Oh, B-horror, how I love thee, especially paired with cheap wine. Tasty combo.

  4. August 20, 2009 1:50 am

    Reading your top 5, i was getting ready to suggest 1 to you, but i see you already have it on your list as #7. i think that movie is the reason i cross my legs every time i see an outboard motor. really, i think they oughta show that movie to every grade school/middle school boy in sex ed class as rape prevention. 🙂 “i spit on your grave” wasn’t the best title, however. i would have gone with “i mutilate your manhood”

  5. Abbie Stutzer permalink
    August 20, 2009 6:54 am

    Glenn – Yup. There are pretty fracking awesome, I must say. Too bad I couldn’t list all the winners I’ve seen this year.

    Dan – Haha. Yes. It would teach men it’s best not to take things that don’t want to be taken, for they’ll end up missing a very important body part. I saw this movie when I turned 16, I think. I rented it for my birthday slumber party. All the girls at the party freaked the hell out, but, I liked it (because I’m weird).

  6. August 20, 2009 11:36 pm

    i so wanna see the devil’s rejects. and i hear blockbuster is selling brand new, sealed-in-platic copies of that flick for $7.99 right now. hmmmmm… hope your weekend’s good and filled with plenty of dates — dates and dried fruit, that is. ha

  7. Abbie Stutzer permalink
    August 21, 2009 8:58 am

    It’s pretty darn good, I got to say. Ha. Yeah, I’ll be recording them this weekend, and I have a few on Monday! There’s only one pesky little source that won’t call me back, but I’ll get to them – oh yes, I will.

  8. May 7, 2010 5:58 pm

    Great list of flicks! I see that your a fellow lover of all things bloody and nasty so I was wondering if you have delved into the German horror film underground? There are a lot of really crazy gory films from those guys!

    • Abbie Stutzer permalink
      May 9, 2010 1:34 am

      Thank ya! I am. I have not. Should I? Why am I asking. It totally sounds like I should, and I will.

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