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Christmas-holiday-fun-time letter

December 22, 2010
tags: , ,

Do any of you send out holiday cards?

A Christmas letter, perhaps?

I don’t.

I think my friends and relatives would find my life absolutely boring.

Depressing.

Doldrumish.

Plus, I don’t want to spend money on stamps.

What would I write in my holiday letter, though.

Hmmm…

*Bowie and Bing’s “Little Drummer Boy” begins to play in the background*

Let’s imagine!

~

Hello, family member or friend (sorry. I can’t remember who you are.),

Merry, uh, holiday. I don’t know what jolly saying to use. I’m spiritual, but not religious. I suppose you could say I’m a positive energy supporter…

anyhow.

I’m healthy. All my tests are negative. My brain doctor said I’m learning how to “process my past more efficiently.”

I think that means I handle my feelings like a Prius instead of a Hummer – I don’t waste a lot of energy thinking about useless crap...

whatever.

What else should I type…

Oh!

My job situation.

Well, heh, I got laid-off in May. In July, I decided to go back to school (stop laughing). I thought I wanted to get a PhD in women’s studies. I wanted to “shed light” on various women’s health issues. Well, I decided to not pursue that idea. I mean, who needs a PhD to talk to women about rape and sexual health, right? That and school and fellowship applications, and the GRE are horribly expensive. Who can afford that stuff? Currently, I’m making some cash working as an editorial assistant at The Pitch, and I’m freelancing. I’m very happy. Giddy, in fact.

No. I’m not married.

Yes. I’m almost 28.

No. I’m not worried about my baby clock.

Really.

Uh, I’m drawing and painting…playing Wii…watching horror…cooking…

drinking…

um, writing…

drinking…

yeah. That’s about it.

Oh, politics, right? Everyone loves a Christmas holiday letter that mentions a person’s political views.

So, this health ca…

What?

Stop looking at me like I just ate my unborn baby.

I didn’t say anything!

Ugh.

Fine.

Have a happy holiday of your choice.

Best,

Abbie

As you can see, the Abbie loves the holiday season.

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