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Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, pepper spray burning your face

November 29, 2011

Another holiday has come and gone, and I’m still here. This is no great accomplishment, though. My family’s holiday dinners are small and sleepy.

My grandfather typically critiques my clothing and appearance (why is that skirt so short? Why do you wear boots? Why is your hair so floppy?), my grandmother smiles, and my mom tries to corral the formerly mentioned grandparents + cook, clean, and entertain.

I’m not much help in this department. I can’t cook. I can clean, which is why I’m always the dish cleaner (yes. My mom doesn’t have a dish washer. Suck it.) As far as entertaining? I just tell snarky stories of work, my shitty apartment, and my search for the next big thing that will keep me entertained.

Current entertainment endeavors that make people laugh: continue writing a book, promoting my small business, and health shit <– (this is not a seasonal thing. I’m a weirdo health freak who always wants to be healthier. I assume this will lead to my early demise.)

So, now we’ve entered the big ass, brash holiday season where people (including myself) decorate, cook weird food, and eat a ton. So far, I’ve:

  • Decorated (all my shitty holiday photos to come.)
  • Cooked a bit (not with human meat, but yes. This is an American Psycho reference.)
  • Tried to plan my gift buying plan (proving to be difficult considering my credit card account was hacked.)
  • Set my computer desktop background to this guy:

I'm abominable, guys.

I’m currently preparing for my family’s holiday party. This year’s will be kind of sad because many family members are, like, ancient, and really sick. The party will still have a sliver of nice, though. My family is pretty chill, and no one gets all judge-y about my lack of wedding ring or child. They think I’m a “modern woman”. I assume this means “hardcore slut”, but I could be wrong.

…and the year’s almost over. I’m reminded of this fact because Paste just posted its Top 50 Albums of 2011 post (kinda early, guys.) This fact goes in the positive column because this year was pretty much ridiculous, filled with weird and disconcerting events. How will I make next year better? Not change a thing, most likely. Just be healthier, get more sleep, and listen more.

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