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The GO-tee-hee and other tales of absolute hilarity

March 17, 2012

And before you know it, it’s March. And apparently summer. In 1950.

It’s been a rough year for people who have a vagina. And, frankly, for people who support people with a vagina.

Why, you ask? Well:

Birth control pills: by now we’ve all heard the absolutely glorious words Mr. Limbaugh spewed a few weeks ago. Sandra Fluke was called a slut and a prostitute. Oh, and all of us other femin-nazis were asked to tape sexual escapades and post trysts on the Internet.

An Arizona bill could require women to state a medical reason for taking birth control pills. So, sorry, poor married women. You cannot use your pesky birth control bills for preventing pregnancy. You better have a better reason. Perhaps cystic acne.

Now, I’ve taken “the pill” for years. It doesn’t make me feel sexually liberated or free. I free myself and make intelligent decisions concerning people I date. I take it because:

a. yeah, I have acne occasionally. Young face = body who thinks it’s still a teen sometimes.

b. condoms are not infallible. Those latex bastards break all the damn time.

Last I remember family planning was intelligent. Birth control pills are a part of family planning. If you don’t want to use them, sweet! If you do, cool! Married women take the pill, Mr. Limbaugh. Are they sluts? I assume you would snort out a no.

Also, I’ll be damned if I allow middle to late-aged men dictate medications I take. Men typically don’t understand birth control pills in general.

Example: I dated a chap who was scared crapless when I wasn’t taking my pills. I explained to him that it was okay. There’s always a week of sugar pills to allow for lady business. He had no idea how the pills worked, which is completely understandable.

Also, there’s that whole, “so, why exactly are we paying for you vasectomy and boner pills, guys?”

Abortion: I’ve never had to make the decision to keep a “baby” or not. But if I did, I would rather not have to go to a clinic and be forced to listen to a fetal heartbeat, and undergo a vaginal sonogram. Seriously? Forced penetration?

And this whole rape and incest victims not having access to abortions thing?

I doubt any Republican politician who is currently in the running to become the GOP nominee has been raped. If they’ve been raped, I give them my condolences because rape sucks.

I can say without a doubt that if I were forced to carry the fetus of my rapist/s, I would not have recovered from the ordeal. That’s just my opinion, and every rape victim feels differently.

Sex. ed.: Wait. You’re under the age of 18? I’m so sorry. I can’t talk to you about safe sex. Your only option is to not have sex. Okay? You understand?

Without comprehensive sex education, teens may not know:

— you can get HPV from touching. So, fingering, oral sex, anal sex – all that stuff that doesn’t result in pregnancy – can give you HPV. And herpes… 🙂 !!

HIV is still around, guys. People get it, and can still develop AIDS. And die.

All this and it’s women’s history month. Oh, and next month? Sexual Assault Awareness month.

Haha.

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