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I feel dandy, but I’m not very handy

April 2, 2012
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Last year I lived in the house of a thousand plumbing issues. Toilets, floor drains, and bathtub drains backed up on a regular basis. My sinks? Those would totally gurgle day and night. It was so exciting! Also, before I moved out, a lock broke. Oh, and the garage door never opened. I could go on and on about the issues I faced in that lovely house.

My new apartment has hardly any problems. But I’m so paranoid from all the stuff I faced at my other place, I call the maintenance dudes for everything. I fear if I put off my maintenance calls like I did at my last place (my roommate sometimes wanted to wait and see if issues would resolve themselves) that the small issues will turn into disgusting, drippy, sewage-laden issues. That is not OK.

So, here is the way embarrassing list of things I’ve called into the office over the last eight months:

— “my bathtub has backed up, guys.”: I later found out it was because I had accidentally activated the bathtub stopper. Yes, I’m an absolute idiot. Totally aware. I deactivated the stopper and all is well.

— “hey, guys. I’m not strong enough to open my windows.”: This call was a bit more legit. The windows are extremely difficult to open and are old. Ancient. While repairing the windows the maintenance guys told me “yeah. We wanted to replace these windows. There was a community vote, but everyone picked the pool.” Good job, apartment community. I lived with leaky windows that made my heat bill less than awesome because you guys wanted a tan (yes. I will use the pool. I’m totally hypocrite.) They added new springs and I can make the windows open, even with my lady arms.

— “umm. I think I broke my garbage disposal, guys.”: Yeah. I just did this again. Damn olive pits.

— “so, you know those closet doors? I knocked one of them off the track, guys.”

— “you know that water heater spout? I knocked it. It’s leaking water.”: The most legit call I’ve made yet.

So, as you all can read, I’m a tad trigger happy when it comes to maintenance issues. It could be because I would really like to get my security deposit back this time around (thanks, old roommate), or it could be because I’m really lonely and I like the company of my apartment complex’s friendly handymen…

Mystery…

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